The perception that most people get is 'My God, Harry is so in the ass of Hollywood'. The fact is I haven't gone to one premiere or one party this year. I don't like junkets. I did one for The Mummy, which was the first trip I'd ever got across the ocean. I'd never even been to Europe. God, I was such a hick when I did that. I stayed at Claridge's and it was the first time I ever saw a bidet. I stared at it for hours.

I am the least likely celebrity in the world. This is what I'm famous for. I dress in sandals and Hawaiian shirts - the gaudier the better. I'm roughly the size of a small European import. I have hair like an Irish Setter. I look more like a cartoon than even cartoons of me do. I know this about myself. Buuut completely by accident - and kismet, and synchronicity, and an insane amount of soul- numbing labor - I came to be at the perfect center of a universe of my own creation...

I've been compared to Horatio Alger and Jefferson Smith; to Howard Stern and fan's fan Forrest J. Ackerman. I'm honored. Sometimes I think of myself as a kinder, gentler Walter Winchell... or maybe the opposite of Jack Valenti - the Anti-Valenti: a lobbyist for the motion picture industry... Most of the time, I feel like the android in The Questor Tapes who controls the weather from his underground bunker... I was bedridden... laid up without hope, growing fatter... and like the 12 year-old asthmatic Scorsese, or the wunderkind Coppola stricken with polio, I sopped up every fragment of idealized history from the movies, and poured all of the emotion inside me back into the lifeline that movies had become for me, annnnnnd into the shrine I created for them - Ain't It Cool News.